Chances Are, We’ve Had It Backward at Some Point in Life
Most of us have had it backward. We’ve been “putting the cart before the horse” as my mom would say.
We go through life *generally* planning our actions first, and we come up with the justifications of those actions afterward. What’s more, those justifications are usually about making “logical” sense.
“Why did you decide to go for the promotion?”
“Because I wanted more money, and it’s the next level in my career path.”
“Why did you decide to go to the beach?”
“Because the kids are on spring break that week.”
These exchanges make sense. They get our brain’s stamp of approval in that these reasons, these “Why’s” check out; they seem like logical actions for logical reasons, and we live in a culture that encourages logical, rational behavior.
I have no issue with this, UP UNTIL the point where our reliance upon logic causes us to miss out on opportunities for living a more extraordinary life and opportunities to truly experience life in all its messy, emotional, striking glory.
Logic won’t cut it for those of us who want something more than a “that’s nice” kind of life. Those of us who want to FEEL, to CREATE, to GIVE, to LIVE a life that’s more meaningful life are going to need to do two things:
Step One: drop from the head to the heart.
Step Two: get your Why figured out.
Let me explain.
1. Drop from the head to the heart
We’re encouraged to make sense to other people. It feels good when others understand our decisions, because then we feel accepted and included by them. We also feel comfortable when our decisions make sense to ourselves. I get it. (see what I did there? You wanting to make sense to others makes sense to me…never mind.)
The thing is, when we’re focused on making sense and finding a logical path forward, we’re either ignoring or shushing our heart. We are giving our head run of our life. Decisions from the heart don’t always make sense, they can be messy, sometimes they’re completely counterintuitive, even to ourselves, so it makes sense that we tend to steer toward listening to our head most of the time.
It doesn’t have to be one OR the other, the head and the heart can work in tandem, especially with practice. Start inviting your intuition to the party, start listening to your gut when decisions come up. Ask yourself what you really WANT, what you would LOVE, what would be fulfilling, or exciting, or inspiring.
Opening that channel between head and heart takes practice and is the first step to living more than a “that makes sense” kind of life.
2. Get your why figured out
To live a purpose-driven, fulfilling, rewarding life, it must start with your Why. There are many ways to get to that Why, so for your attention span’s sake, I’m keeping it to one approach in this post.
Your How is an expression of your Why, and we are generally not encouraged to explore our Why, except in times of crossroads and reinvention. Questions like “Who am I” or “Who do I want to be” are really helpful here to take the initial steps of defining a Why. Who you want to be can be an excellent and deeply meaningful origin of a Why, but this question tends to only come up in times of there being no clear or immediate logical path forward: leaving high school and heading to college, moving to a new city, moving on after a major break-up, etc.
I believe we should be asking ourselves who we want to be all the time. It keeps us in check with whether we are making decisions that help us to be that person.
Here’s a tip: this idea of asking ourselves “who we want to be” means completing the sentence: “I want to be the kind of person who….”
Here’s another tip: whatever you complete that sentence with should involve something or someone larger than you and your immediate family. Consider behaviors, concepts, communities…whatever you complete that sentence with can be your default Why. THAT will be a powerful guide in making future decisions from here on out.
Every decision you have coming your way is an opportunity to life with purpose, from what job you take to who you spend your life and home with to what shoes you decide to buy and what you choose to eat for lunch.
Reorganizing our How to follow our Why, instead of the other way around, is a major key to living an extraordinary and fulfilling life that will make even more sense to you than if you decide to live without that purpose guiding you.
I’d love to hear what YOUR Why is! Reach out to me through email, or on Facebook or Instagram and share your story with me! The more we choose live purpose-driven lives on a daily basis, the more we can inspire others to do so.